Pride is.

I'm taking back my pride. I've written some pretty whiny crap lately, centered on some stupid people, stupid events and, especially stupid decisions in the last couple of years. 

Done.

Not worth it. This door is officially closed. Moving on and moving forward. 

Pride: noun: a feeling of self-respect and personal worth. 

Having never seen gays, lesbians, polys or anyone else (like me) with an "alternative" lifestyle as "different", Pride Weekend has always marked just another season of partying for me. I'm pretty proud of who I am and how I live my life all year long. I've never felt a sudden swell of wonder or honor at this particular time of year. If anything, I've experienced sadness and anger at the hypocrisy and lack of understanding that we endure all year long from the "others".
This year is different.

I'm saddened and angered still by the lack of forward thinking that California has so foolishly displayed, but I'm also encouraged and inspired by the fight that's still being fought for the right to marry who we love.

And I look at my life and realize that the fun, color and magic is, for the most part, provided by people who are gay, bi, poly, questioning, etc. "Alternative" is my "normal". The rainbow flag suddenly seems to wave at me and for me. I live in one of the most accepting and diverse areas on the planet, and I want to be a part of the celebration. 

I'm realizing what those who celebrate Pride have known all along: Pride is about loving who you are right at this moment, not someone else's idea of who you should be. I am again realizing my self-worth, and not placing it in the hands of fools. Fuck you if you don't love me- the feeling's mutual.

Watch for me in the Dykes on Bikes portion of the parade. I'll be the one with a fresh smile on my face because I finally understand this Pride thing.

I can't wait for Independence Day.