Happy Love Day.

Me ---> :*

Me = <3

Me = -_- Zzzzzzzzzz

Goodnight! Happy Valentine's Day. ;)

xoxox

Weather happens whether you like it or not.

What I've got they used to call the "blues,"

nothing is really wrong

feelin' like I don't belong

hangin' around, nothing to do but frown

rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

~Karen Carpenter

According to the Mayo Clinic: Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you're like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.

At least we SAD sufferers know we're not crazy. But, Kierkegaard - we've labeled what's wrong; why can't we negate it? I know, I know. This isn't what he meant.

I'm trying, but I'm really dreading the thought of spending the next six days inside the house, doing chores and watching the rain.

Update: Just as I was fretting over this:

I got a sweet Valentine's Day greeting.

I forgot it was Valentine's Day! Suddenly, staying inside, sipping tea and hot cocoa (and even doing chores) doesn't seem so bad. Warm thoughts and warm hugs and kisses > rainy days and Mondays.

On the other hand...

I get to hang out with a couple of my favorite people, at a couple of my favorite spots next Tuesday night. Who needs temptation when you've got a sure thing? After all, a bird in the hand...

ha ha. ;)

The High Road...brother.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

~Mark Twain

I've been wondering about temptation lately: while the consensus stands on temptation as a test, what's actually being tested is where I find flaw. The idea of gaining strength through resisting your temptation, and thereby reducing its future allure, seems to be the easy way out.

What if we're really being tested on our ability to be strong enough, courageous enough to yield to temptation? What if our curriculum vitae is supposed to contain more moments of bravery, moments in which we walked the tightrope, without a net?

And if not, why is it that we regret the things we didn't do, so much more than the things we did?

Just wondering.

Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to.

~Oscar Wilde

One for the road.

The most important things are the hardest to say,

because words diminish them.

-Stephen King

"Hey Mike!" I called out through the open door, hoping he'd hear me downstairs in the living room. "Hey what?" I could hear him coming back up as he asked. I hugged him and said, "Please be safe out there; I don't want anything to happen to you."

"That's all you called me up here for?" He seemed pleasantly surprised. Later, I felt bad that he should be surprised.

At the risk of setting the women's movement back a few decades, let me state that most of the women I know are overly-analytical creatures. We think (we hope) he's pondering the deepest of thoughts when really, he's just thinking about cheese. Or sex. In our spare time, we're constantly going over what we said, what he said, what we did, and what we could've done. So, in the true esprit de l'escalier, it's no wonder that I'm constantly kicking myself in retrospect.

There were so many times when I could've shown more love.

In all fairness, and this might come as a surprise to those closest to me, I'm really very shy when immersed in the throes of the deepest heartfelt verbalizations. When me love a lot, me no talk good. Lacking the words to truly elucidate the depth of my emotions, I often joke when I should be serious.

To add to it, I've been taking for granted that I'll get another chance to tell those closest to me just how much they mean. This is a very bad habit to get into.

Since it's still early enough in the year to create good habits, I'm making it a point to stop whatever I'm doing long enough to send my loved ones off with a healthy dose of hugs and love. I've got plenty of that to go around, and there's nothing more important than showing love to those around me.

Island Girl

For me its balmy airs are always blowing, its summer seas flashing in the sun; the pulsing of its surf is in my ear; I can see its garlanded crags, its leaping cascades, its plumy palms drowsing by the shore, its remote summits floating like

islands above the cloud-rack; I can feel the spirit of its woody solitudes, I hear the plashing of the brooks; in my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.

- Mark Twain, a Biography

No one really knows how rough it's been for me this past week. After spending a week in paradise, I don't think it's fair to complain to those who stayed behind. When I'm not running around, I'm back to wearing sweaters and using the blanket in the family room. (How can it be warmer outside than it is inside??) I'm sick of this cold. I'm missing the warmth. I'm missing the connectedness. I'm missing the adventure. All kidding aside, this feels like withdrawal.

The big island was my favorite for years. When I was on the big island, I remember floating on my back in a pool, listening to Hawaiian music and staring up at Orion in an inky black sky, thinking, this is as Hawaiian as it gets. Then I discovered Oahu by scooter. You can't get the same views or the same feeling of adventure when you're traveling by car. Now I'm longing, yearning to feel it again.

I am not a cold-weather girl. I was born in the Philippines and grew up in pre-polar shift California. My sis and friends agree that winters were not this cold and summers were not that short. Last year we were lucky if we felt a total of three warm weeks. This does not help my seasonal affectiveness disorder.

I thrive when I spend time near a beach. The less I have to wear, the better. I'm more energetic, thus more productive, and I smile all the time. Sure, it's easy for me to say, since I don't have to live there, but the best day at the office can't be better than the worst day working in Hawaii. No matter what happens at work, you're still in Hawaii at the end of the day.

I'm working on plans to be able to stay there for at least a month at a time. There are many people to consider first, so we'll see what happens and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I'll have to buy a full-spectrum light bulb, grab sunshine when it's available, and continue my search on the mainland for the world's best Mai Tai. Right now, the titleholder is where I want to be - some 2,390 miles southwest of San Francisco. 21:18:25 North Latitude, 157:51:30 West Longitude, to be exact.