Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~Anaïs Nin
To an old friend.
I'm glad we're talking again. We didn't handle the separation very well, did we? Glad to see we're past that. Some of our recent conversations have stumbled along as awkwardly as they did years ago, when we first started talking at length. Not surprising, considering all the time in between, and the water that's still slowly receding under the bridge.
And then there are the words that sound and feel all too familiar, and I'm reminded of where we were, two years ago. Good and bad.
This post isn't about blame; I forgave and forged on a long time ago. We, as former inamorate, seem to be at peace with each other. We, as current confidants, seem to have found our way out of the eggshell field and into the quicksand. Sure, we can talk freely, but we can't move forward. We've been here before.
In the two years that have passed since we were close, I learned more about learning than I had in my entire life. I've learned that there is way too much to learn to ever think I'm done learning. I've learned that I can only learn so much while standing in the same spot, day in and day out. I've learned that I can only learn so much from the same people I see every day. And I've learned how to be happy.
I already know how you feel; you felt the same way when we were together. You're still looking for something external to provide your happiness. Here are a few things that I'd like to teach you as you continue to search for happiness in all the wrong places:
A recent study revealed that what you need to feel happy is enough cash to live comfortably -NOT lavishly. More money than that won't buy more happiness.
I know this is hard to accept during these tough economic times, but it's true. Money can buy more material things, and more free time to play with them, but if you're not happy with you -the YOU that you are now - money will only serve as a means to buy distraction.
Money costs time.
Making more money means working more hours. You've got to weigh financial gain against social sacrifice and determine which has more priority in this moment.
Experiences are worth more than material things.
Personally, my first house-concert experience, or my trip to Seal Beach meant more to me than any material good that I received that year. They still do. Don't worry about acquiring more stuff; focus, rather, on experiencing more of life with people who matter.
Giving makes you happier.
There is an unadulterated joy that comes from a selfless act. Volunteer time, give to charity, help out a friend. I truly believe that the best you is the you that will emerge after you return from building and repairing houses in Tanzania, or teaching conversational English to teens in Romania.
When you ask me how I am, I intentionally hold back and say something like, "Meh," when the truth is, I'm really feeling wonderful. I'd love to see you finally feeling that way about yourself. Your discontent has been abundantly clear for a long time now, and the distractions only keep you from knowing who you are and how to help yourself. I've found the best way to find yourself, as Gandhi says, is to lose yourself in the service of others.
www.globalvolunteers.org is a great place to begin finding yourself.
Insanity is defined as "trying to do the same thing over and over, while expecting a different result." When will you try something different? You're not getting any younger and no one is promising you that you'll get to try again tomorrow.
It's slipping away. Look how fast these years flew by, and here you are, still wondering why you don't feel happy. No amazing tale ever came from the unhappy hero who stayed exactly where he was.
I hope you're listening. More importantly, I hope you can hear me.
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