Hurt.

By all rights, I should be perfectly content at this moment. It's summertime, the sun is actually shining, I've got money in the bank and most importantly, everyone I know has their good health. 

Take a look at the picture I've posted on this entry. 

That's how I feel at this moment. Luckily, life is made up of many moments. But allow me to indulge in this one...just for a moment.

There's a darkness, a looming sadness that's seeping into me and keeping me on the couch and away from the front door. Odd, as I'm usually the first one out the door. I feel a spookiness that's draining the sunshine out of me and replacing it with fear and longing and hurt.

I could use a good cry.

I think I know its origin, I mean, a very sweet person I know recently ended his own life, and I watched Dumbledore die last night, but it feels deeper than that.

And really, I'm not comparing the depth of someone's suicide to a movie, but if you knew me, you'd know how much I truly mourned the deaths of anyone in the Harry Potter stories. These became real to me.

I need to slow down. I think part of this moment's sadness is the realization that I can't get back the time that is passing by so quickly. I don't feel focused. Maybe when Meeg and I are lounging poolside this weekend I can finally stop and really look at things. Maybe I can shut up and really hear what I'm saying.

My year is half over. What have I done with it? 

What will I do with the rest of it?

I'd like to stop hurting. Giving thanks really helps with the healing. 

I think I'd just really like a big, long hug...